tumor

Getting home from surgery

Posted on by ashleyms27

Happy Monday!

My weekend was super busy, Chase (my son) had a cough and runny nose and only had a half day day on Friday, so I kept him home from school. We had a mommy & chase day and I took him to see the Lego Movie 2 at the theater. We loved that movie!! and then chase by Sunday was THROWING UP. SO he’s home from school today, and I have been cleaning the house and doing laundry.

Sorry about the many days without posting!!

Back to my cancer story..SO i had been released back home. Still bandaged up. I Don’t have a lot of memories of the first few weeks following surgery (hole in my brain guys haha). I remember getting home and seeing a welcome home mommy sign made by my kids. I remember feeling very happy seeing the sign. I immediately went to bed. My mom and hubby will tell you my energy was very low. They would have to wake me up so I would drink some water or eat something or take medicine. I was taking medicine about 3 times a day. My mom would be home all day with be because at the time my youngest, Aria, was not in school yet. My mom would come lay in my bed with me and we would watch TV. She said my language was still pretty limited. I would only respond with one or two word answers. She made sure to talk to me though, so thanks mom 🙂

Again my memory is not great of this time frame but most of my memory is how helpful my hubby and my parents and my bestie Kelly were with everything.

I had to go downtown and have everything looked at about 2 weeks post surgery and make sure it all looked good.

The main nurse for Dr Chandler took off my bandages and we got a look at how my staples looked and some care instruction for my staples.

Doctor came in and told me they did the biopsy on my tumor and to their surprise it was a grade three anaplastic astrocytoma. It was cancerous.

Now if you don’t know about how they rate brain tumors it is different from other cancers. Grade 1 & 2 are benign brain tumors while grade 3 & 4 are cancerous brain tumors.

My doctor said it was barely a grade 3, they must’ve caught it very very early. My emotions were sort of gone at this point like i said, I was still so tired and so out of it. Not my normal self. I just remember saying “okay”.

My husband didn’t seem scared to me he seemed tough. Only recently did he confide to me that he was scared out of his mind when they told me the news.

They informed us that I would be doing radiation and chemotherapy.

Now my son had only seen me with bandages on, and I was going to come home with a bunch of staples on my head. My mom talked to chase about what I would look like. He asked to see a picture, which my hubby sent over to her. He had a tough reaction, but it was smart of him to ask to see because I had no idea he even noticed it at all when I got home.

staples

I was now on a whole new journey, not just recovery, but beating cancer.

 

Ashley

Surgery & Recovery

Posted on by ashleyms27

Happy Hump Dayyyyy! Wednesday for people who don’t know…but hard to imagine anyone doesn’t haha.

so back to my surgery story! I figured I would ask my mom and my husband to write a little about what that day was like for them!

First up, my mother, Patricia:

It’s hard for me to put into words my emotions the day of Ashley’s surgery. Trying to sleep the night before was impossible, my baby is having her brain cut !! Until this night I think I had tucked that reality away. I chose to focus on how to help my daughter by taking care of her children and home . This was my way of avoiding the terror and heartache I had inside. Ashley was so brave and strong so we all had to be too!!

We ( Dave, Ryan, Kelly and myself )got into the car that morning to head to the city, not much talking was happening. What sticks in my head is that when we finally got to go back by them, she was so calm and had that sweet smile I have been blessed to see for so many years.

Ashley & Arthur had such strength that day at that moment.

We decided to go get food in us while she was taken back and the process of putting her under was happening. We could then be back at the waiting area before they started. So many many hours of waiting was ahead . We all spread out but would check in with each other. Dave did lots of walking, I was unusually still and didn’t want to talk much. I was receiving lots of texts of people praying for my girl. My mind was still but racing if that makes sense. I felt as though I was holding my breath!! You could see the strain in all our faces. I was thinking one thought on repeat since her surgery was scheduled…” please don’t take another child from us !” Please don’t take Ashley from her brother, husband, children , family and best friend!! The surgery took longer than they told us so now I am in a panic! It was so very late at this point so Dave said to me “ we have to go get some sleep “ Mary ( Arthur’s mom ) had to go back to work the next morning which meant I needed to be there for the kids by 8 ish that morning. I had to try to sleep but all I wanted was to see my baby!! Ryan told me he would text me updates as he was staying with Arthur . I told myself that Ashley needed me to make things go smoothly for her babies so I had to suck it up and leave. I have never wanted to be in two places at once so bad in my life!! What a strong and beautiful soul My daughter is…. she went through so very much that day and a long road was waiting for her

Second, my hubby, Arthur:

The day of the surgery was a long grueling day. We had to get over to the hospital first thing in the morning, yet she wouldn’t be having surgery until 3pm. For me, it was probably the longest day of my life. The waiting was a killer but I at least had family there to keep me company. I used work to try to distract me when she finally went back for surgery. The surgery itself was faster then I expected. She was done in about three hours. Dr Chandler came out in his scrubs to update us and ensured us everything went as planned. By this time it was around 6pm… but it wouldn’t be until after midnight when her brother Ryan and I finally got to see her. She took a long time to come out of anesthesia, and that wait was miserable. Stuck in a waiting room with a lot of other family’s waiting to hear about their loved one. The phone who’d ring, and someone would answer but it was always an update about someone else. Eventually her parents had to leave as it was getting so late. Ryan and I ended up being the only ones left for some time. When we finally got the call to go to her room, of course we went to the wrong one, in the other building. So we had to walk all the way to the other side up some elevators. When I finally got to see her it really set in for me just how crazy the surgery was. Before it never fully felt real. But seeing her all bandages up, a tube of brain fluid leaking out the side of her head into a bladder, the realness hit in full force. She was still out cold. Ryan and I sat and stared at her for awhile before realizing she wasn’t waking up anytime soon, so we walked across the street to the hotel and passed out. Longest day of my life. Easily the scariest

It is so interesting for me to hear how that day was for them. Everyone is so focused on the patient that the family can have a hard time dealing with what they were going through because they want to be strong for the patient. Also, to clarify my surgery was done by 6pm it took three hours, my mom didn’t realize I was done at six. They were just waiting for anesthesia to wear off. It took a long time! It really helped having my family around me and of course my best friend, Kelly, to help me feel strong going into surgery.

post surgery

So I barely remember much of the next two ish days.

I remember just being really tired and my family trying to make me drink water and eat food. I slept so much especially the first two days. I didn’t realize I had a tube coming out of my head to help drain the fluids. Probably for the best, because I probably would’ve been scared.

Then Friday they whisked me back to surgery again, I was so out of it I didn’t know really what was going on. My husband didn’t even know where they were taking me. He had to run around trying to find out where I was. I remember laying in the room before surgery and arthur came in and gave me a kiss. The surgery was to seal up the cut they made in my ear canal to help with drainage. I don’t remember much after that. Next thing I knew I was back in my hospital room.

So with brain surgery, the swelling gets pulled down by gravity.

post second surgery

I barely talked much while recovering in the hospital. I wouldn’t get released until Monday. I had a speech evaluation because I was barely talking at all. If i did it was a “yes” or “no”. A lot of the time, I would just give a thumbs up. I remember her asking me to name farm animals, and having trouble getting to five.

I didn’t understand how bad it looked at the time, like I said it was like I was in a dream. I just was so tired, and so out of it.

I remember family coming to visit me in the hospital, specifically my Uncle John and my Aunt Yvette. I remember a friend coming to see me who lived downtown. I was so happy to feel supported. I remember missing my kids so much, but being so tired that I couldn’t cry. I felt so happy that I would get to see them again, but missed them so much it hurt.

There was a Cubs game on, and I am a huge baseball fan. My mom said I was so “blank” that she was worried my personality or abilities were gone. I can’t remember the exact play but something good happened for the cubs, and I didn’t cheer, but I raised my fist in the air excitedly. This moment gave my parents and hubby hope that I was myself in there still.

I wish I could tell you how I felt in the hospital more, but after brain surgery your brain is operating so slowly and memory is foggy. I knew I was going to be okay.

My favorite memory is walking around with my IV and holding onto arthurs arm. They wanted me to work up to three laps around the floor.

Also, when I was discharged from the hospital, my hubby and I couldn’t find our car in the parking garage and we walked around so much before we could find the car. haha i remember thinking “oh no, this is not happening” thankfully we found our car just fine haha.

 

until next time,

ashley

Surgery

Posted on by ashleyms27

Hey! Happy Monday guys!!

I want you to know I am probably going to have set days that I post after I get through my cancer story of the past year. Also, that all of my posts wont always be about cancer. I will vary the topics!

SO where we left off was learning that I would be having surgery to remove a benign brain tumor. I woke up nervous but not scared that morning. We had to leave pretty early in the day to head downtown. I had to have a MRI done and couldn’t eat anything since dinner the night before.

I remember getting in the gown and hospital socks and and almost shaking. Probably from hunger a little bit, but also from nerves. This older woman sat across from me, and as I have social anxiety sometimes I try to avoid talking with random people. I looked away from her, but she still said, “Hi, How are you?” and I said “I’m doing okay, how are you?” She told me about her medical history, more than I wanted to know, but her demeanor was so nice and calming. I didn’t feel as nervous while talking to her. I opened up to her about my upcoming surgery for later that day and she had such encouraging things to say. She said that I seemed very strong, and that I could get through this. A nurse came in the waiting area, and called out my name. The woman sitting by me wished me luck and said she would pray for me.

I wish she knew how much help she was for me that day. I don’t think I would have gone into surgery as calm as I did, without here help.

MRI was pretty boring, then they led me to a hospital room in the surgery ward. I had to hang out there until they were ready to take me back for surgery. My husband was there with me. My mother in law was so helpful to watch my two kids so my parents could come up and see me before surgery. Also, my best friend since I was like 13 (known her since probably 11 though!) came downtown to see me and sit with my family while I was in surgery.

Nurses Came in and out checking vitals and having me get in a new gown (one from the surgery ward). Various doctors came in preparing me for what was going to happen.

I had little circles placed on various spots on my head. (Shown in picture)

I asked my husband to take my picture, I wanted him to document this experience. Again, feeling like surgery wasn’t the only hurdle I would be facing.

My parents and brother and my best friend all gave me a hug. They told me they loved me, and that they would see me after.

When the nurse came in, Arthur (my hubby) kissed me and said things I don’t remember specifically. Definitely that he loved me.

I remember feeling calm as they rolled me into the surgical room. I met all the nurses who would be in the room/assisting with the procedure. They moved me onto the surgical table. Much of this is a blur.

I remember the huge tv screens. It said my name on them. I felt so nervous at this point. The time was coming. THIS could be my last conscious moment. I started wondering about the kids. Thankfully this is when they put the breathing mask on me to administer my anesthesia. They had me take a few deep breaths, and count backwards from twenty.

and that is when I think I blacked out by 12.

 

Ashleypre surgery

MRI & Spinal Tap

Posted on by ashleyms27

Hey again!

So, some feedback I received about my cancer post was that I should delve more into specific parts of my cancer/brain tumor story and not just make it “info, info, info”. I should tell you about my feelings and experiences more in depth.

I completely agree, thanks babe (my hubby lovingly gave me this advice, little sh** hahaha).

So like I said, towards the end of 2017 I was starting to miss work more often 1) to go to doctor appointments. End of 2017, I learned that I have Rosacea. Rosacea is a skin condition, that makes my cheeks very very red. Sometimes it looks worse than others. This diagnosis from the Dermatologist is what ruled out lupus aside from the Rheumatologist not seeing the evidence she needed to diagnose me with lupus. 2) I was getting sick very often with colds, and pretty much whatever went around in my classroom. (I taught in the 2.5-3 year old classroom) 3) I have two kids and my youngest was going to the daycare I worked at & and my mom helped me a lot when my kids got sick to watch them so I didn’t have to miss work, but if she was sick or busy and my kids needed to be home and my husband who makes more than me cant miss work usually, then I stayed home. I always put my family first, and it hurt me with work.

So understandably, my directors literally gave me a note at my review that said “less absences”. Which, let me clarify, yes it sucked, but they need somebody who will not miss often. My coteacher,  RARELY missed a day. We don’t really have substitutes like public schools do, so it takes a lot of shifting around when a teacher is absent.

SO, in January 2018 when I went to the ER and was admitted overnight and taken by ambulance to a hospital I had to miss at least one day.

I get to the hospital and they take me to the room, not too long after they take me to the mri. Let me tell you, if you haven’t had an MRI, they are crazy!!!!

It feels like they are taking you and putting you in a space tube. Or a coffin. Normally, places will give you headphones because the machine is very loud. They only gave me little earplugs and had the table go right into the “tube”. It also reminded me of being in a coffin, just laying there in the confined space.

Worst part, when they do a brain mri, you have to keep your head completely still. Lucky for me, I did not have a cough and didn’t sneeze (that mri at least).  This MRI took about an hour, and without music its HORRIBLE.

Like I said, sssssssssuuuuuuuuuuper LOUD.

I mean like rock concert standing right by the amps loud. less enjoyable sounds. One of them literally sounded like a fire alarm. It went on for so long that I actually felt panicked like I was being left to burn in the MRI machine.

Also, halfway through they take you out and inject through IV contrast dye. It gives you a weird taste in your mouth. I say it reminds me of pennies. Yes, I am a weirdo who has licked a penny as a child haha.

My brain thinks super fast, my brain never stops going when I am awake. Especially being a person with anxiety!

My thoughts went straight to wondering why someone my age could maybe have MS or a tumor. I felt more like it would be a tumor (which is weird because it was!), and had to hold off tears because I was scared out of my mind. I had images of my kids crying at my funeral, and my husband having to tell them what happened. Dark dark shit.

I was so happy to go back to the hospital room when the mri was over! They tell me that they still see the inflammation on the left side of my brain and that sometime in the morning I would have a spinal tap.

The next day, the nurse gives me medicine, i believe it was a blood thinner, and i didn’t realize that she wasn’t supposed to give that to me. They said now my spinal tap couldn’t be done until the next day to allow the medicine to get out of my system. I was pissed, there goes another work day. That day was extremely boring, I decided to take a shower, in the creepy shower in a hallway. it was strange the nurse had to be in the hall waiting for me, I had to shower with my iv fluids still going. I felt so much better after my shower. I basically slept, was texting and chilling on my phone the whole time.

The actual spinal tap is FREAKING TERRIFYING. I have had two epidurals before during child birth, but that was injecting in medicine not taking out the spinal fluid. I had heard you get a terrible headache afterwards too. I had to control my breathing to where my spine was not moving, i was so uncomfortable. I felt the poke and you have to hold completely still. luckily it goes pretty fast.

I get wheeled back to the hospital room laying completely flat. My best friend came to the hospital to sit with me and if they  sent me home she would drive me home.

This is where shit gets real. Its about two hours, the nurse comes in says im being discharged that my spinal tap was normal. My head was pounding and I was nauseous. I tried telling them to give me more time to lay down before they sent me home. They refused said, that they were moving up a patient being admitted into my spot. They forced me up into a wheelchair and i was legit CRYING, the nurse didnt even try to comfort me. The ride home was horrible because every teensy little bump from the car hurt my head.

I had NO answer. They told me to follow up with a neurologist in a couple weeks, and that I was fine.

 

I also had to miss two more days of work because the doctor said I should try to lay down as much as I can.

 

More to come!

 

Ashley