Hey again!

So, some feedback I received about my cancer post was that I should delve more into specific parts of my cancer/brain tumor story and not just make it “info, info, info”. I should tell you about my feelings and experiences more in depth.

I completely agree, thanks babe (my hubby lovingly gave me this advice, little sh** hahaha).

So like I said, towards the end of 2017 I was starting to miss work more often 1) to go to doctor appointments. End of 2017, I learned that I have Rosacea. Rosacea is a skin condition, that makes my cheeks very very red. Sometimes it looks worse than others. This diagnosis from the Dermatologist is what ruled out lupus aside from the Rheumatologist not seeing the evidence she needed to diagnose me with lupus. 2) I was getting sick very often with colds, and pretty much whatever went around in my classroom. (I taught in the 2.5-3 year old classroom) 3) I have two kids and my youngest was going to the daycare I worked at & and my mom helped me a lot when my kids got sick to watch them so I didn’t have to miss work, but if she was sick or busy and my kids needed to be home and my husband who makes more than me cant miss work usually, then I stayed home. I always put my family first, and it hurt me with work.

So understandably, my directors literally gave me a note at my review that said “less absences”. Which, let me clarify, yes it sucked, but they need somebody who will not miss often. My coteacher,  RARELY missed a day. We don’t really have substitutes like public schools do, so it takes a lot of shifting around when a teacher is absent.

SO, in January 2018 when I went to the ER and was admitted overnight and taken by ambulance to a hospital I had to miss at least one day.

I get to the hospital and they take me to the room, not too long after they take me to the mri. Let me tell you, if you haven’t had an MRI, they are crazy!!!!

It feels like they are taking you and putting you in a space tube. Or a coffin. Normally, places will give you headphones because the machine is very loud. They only gave me little earplugs and had the table go right into the “tube”. It also reminded me of being in a coffin, just laying there in the confined space.

Worst part, when they do a brain mri, you have to keep your head completely still. Lucky for me, I did not have a cough and didn’t sneeze (that mri at least).  This MRI took about an hour, and without music its HORRIBLE.

Like I said, sssssssssuuuuuuuuuuper LOUD.

I mean like rock concert standing right by the amps loud. less enjoyable sounds. One of them literally sounded like a fire alarm. It went on for so long that I actually felt panicked like I was being left to burn in the MRI machine.

Also, halfway through they take you out and inject through IV contrast dye. It gives you a weird taste in your mouth. I say it reminds me of pennies. Yes, I am a weirdo who has licked a penny as a child haha.

My brain thinks super fast, my brain never stops going when I am awake. Especially being a person with anxiety!

My thoughts went straight to wondering why someone my age could maybe have MS or a tumor. I felt more like it would be a tumor (which is weird because it was!), and had to hold off tears because I was scared out of my mind. I had images of my kids crying at my funeral, and my husband having to tell them what happened. Dark dark shit.

I was so happy to go back to the hospital room when the mri was over! They tell me that they still see the inflammation on the left side of my brain and that sometime in the morning I would have a spinal tap.

The next day, the nurse gives me medicine, i believe it was a blood thinner, and i didn’t realize that she wasn’t supposed to give that to me. They said now my spinal tap couldn’t be done until the next day to allow the medicine to get out of my system. I was pissed, there goes another work day. That day was extremely boring, I decided to take a shower, in the creepy shower in a hallway. it was strange the nurse had to be in the hall waiting for me, I had to shower with my iv fluids still going. I felt so much better after my shower. I basically slept, was texting and chilling on my phone the whole time.

The actual spinal tap is FREAKING TERRIFYING. I have had two epidurals before during child birth, but that was injecting in medicine not taking out the spinal fluid. I had heard you get a terrible headache afterwards too. I had to control my breathing to where my spine was not moving, i was so uncomfortable. I felt the poke and you have to hold completely still. luckily it goes pretty fast.

I get wheeled back to the hospital room laying completely flat. My best friend came to the hospital to sit with me and if they  sent me home she would drive me home.

This is where shit gets real. Its about two hours, the nurse comes in says im being discharged that my spinal tap was normal. My head was pounding and I was nauseous. I tried telling them to give me more time to lay down before they sent me home. They refused said, that they were moving up a patient being admitted into my spot. They forced me up into a wheelchair and i was legit CRYING, the nurse didnt even try to comfort me. The ride home was horrible because every teensy little bump from the car hurt my head.

I had NO answer. They told me to follow up with a neurologist in a couple weeks, and that I was fine.

 

I also had to miss two more days of work because the doctor said I should try to lay down as much as I can.

 

More to come!

 

Ashley